Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Why I Stepped Down as Sr. Pastor

This past Sunday (05/05/13) I stepped down as Pastor of the Alton Church in Birmingham after only eight months. It came as a shock to the congregation. Some close friends of mine knew the personal inner struggle I had with this role, and my resignation came as no surprise. However to the majority this was somewhat shocking news to be stepping down so abruptly.

The purpose of this post is to be clear as to the reasoning for my early departure from this local church.
 
First of all, no one "ran me off." In fact, the people of the church were completely kind, generous and gracious to our family. The church people accepted my wife and children with love and open arms and many great, lasting relationships have been forged in this short time. They accepted me as well, and most all went along with my cracked-pot ideas (my term). Naturally, there was resistance to some of the change, but these were openly discussed, debated and resolved.

Secondly, this was a personal decision.

The decision to step down was made prior to Easter, and I took the following weeks leading up to my resignation to rethink, pray and find peace before making it final. As a side note, I found it quite striking that the Pope stepped down recently as well. Benedict was the first Pope to resign the position in 600 years.  It struck me as odd as well to learn that the overseer of our denomination gave his resignation this past Monday..., the same week I resigned. I don't know if there was something in the air, but resigning seemed to be vogue.

Which leads me to my reason(s) for resigning...

Ministry, preaching the Word, praying for people, making a positive impact in peoples' lives and discipling followers of Christ are the elements that really make me tick as a minister.  The details of being in the ministry and the huge cloud of burden that follows you everywhere you go is what so discourages me.

There's an element of pastoring a congregation, as good as that congregation may be (which is the case at Alton - good people), that is completely stressing and worrisome. I found that this burden didn't cause me to pull more closely to Christ as one might imagine, but I started pulling away. Bible study, prayer, sermon prep all became a worrisome thing to me because having become fixated on what I perceived people wanting instead of focusing on what Christ desires.  I had it backwards.  People pleasing is a bitter poison that drains God's ministers and places said minister in bondage. Unfortunately, I never properly separated the man from the ministry taking anything and everything very personally.  I didn't want pastoring to change me, my temperament and approachable personality. I didn't want to become calloused and shut off from people as I've seen happen with some pastors.

I became bogged down with budgets, music, problems, programs, offenses of others, unfaithful people, people leaving to go elsewhere, murmurs, complaints, formats of service, worship styles, hospital visits, full time work, full time family (my priority after loving God), the distance we traveled from home to church, my own paranoia and plain old-downright tiredness. There seemed to be no relief in sight and I let that thought of hopelessness get the best of me.

I'm not saying this is okay or even right. I'm not justifying anything either.  I'm just saying that this all factors in to why I stepped down. I'm not even saying that I went about it the right way.  I'm sure the Pharisees will line up to privately and publicly jeer, throw stones and question my trust in God. And that's okay..., I questioned it too. Pastoring is a tough work for tough men with thick skin. I am neither tough nor thick skinned.

Finally, I am, however, grateful for the opportunity to have tried. I'm thankful for all the friends who traveled with me through my times of despair that went unnoticed on the surface. And I love God for teaching me a thing or two about who I am and, more importantly, about who He is.

I'm not stepping away from ministry per se, but I am stepping back to give God space to help me deal with my insecurities and trust issues in a toned down role at a local church in Bessemer under a great Pastor.

I love God so much. This hasn't changed. And greater than this is the fact that His love for me hasn't changed either. I'm not junk being discarded. I'm gold being refined in the fire by the Master. 

Thanks to everyone for your continued love. Any other rumor about my stepping down is just that... Rumor. Any speculation as to other reasons I stepped down is just that... Speculation. I can't stop either, and that's okay. If you hear the rumor that I can't hack it as a Pastor, well... that one may be true. :) I still love Christ and His calling and I know that He's still working on me.

7 comments:

  1. You have absolutely NOTHING to be ashamed of Jeremy! In fact you should be proud of yourself for realizing on your own that your relationship with Him was suffering. I know He takes pride in you, His son. God Bless you and your family as you continue in the kingdom on a different journey. Anyone who wants to spread lies will be dealt with by your Father. NO TRUE born again believer wants that! We love you and praying for you all..

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  2. Thank you so much Tracy for the encouragement! We love your family too, and appreciate all the prayers you can muster up for us in the coming weeks. We are trusting God's love, faithfulness, and grace in all things.

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  3. I was proud of you when you informed me you accepted a pastoral position. I am proud of you still. Both are acts of courage.

    Only those who have served as pastor are familiar with the great weight of responsibility that come with it. And it is always heavier than we first think. The pastoral responsibilities include much more than standing behind the pulpit on Sundays. It is a 24-7 job and the pastor's mind is constantly on what has been done, what is being done, and what needs to be done.

    I know the struggle. It is not an easy one. A good friend of mine (who is great Bible teacher) accepted a pastorate several years ago. After a couple years he resigned as well. He later told me it was a mistake to do so. He said, "I am not a pastor." I respect both you and him for your decisions. The Lord does not call everyone to pastor and pastoring is not the only avenue of ministry.

    Maybe, just maybe, the role of pastoring will open up for you again. Then again, maybe not. Just as it takes courage to step into pastoring, it takes it to step away as well.

    May God bless you, your family and your ministry is my prayer.

    Jack Anderson, Jr.

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  4. Thanks, too, Jack for encouraging and praying for me. I have a lot of respect for those in the pastorate. As far as ministry is concerned, I'm trying to allow God as much space as possible to lead and direct me..., without my plans qualifying His leading. If that makes sense? God bless you as well.

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  5. I'm so glad you got the chance to meet and fellowship with the wonderful people of Alton Church. I have known them for the past twenty years and love them dearly. Even though it didn't work out for you to stay I'm sure you can leave there saying you are blessed to have had the opportunity to pastor these precious people. I wish you the best and pray for much success in your next position.

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  6. That goes without saying... They are great people and I'm glad to get to know them well. My stepping down wasn't so much about the people as to the pressure and stress of the position. They were the reason it was so difficult to do what I felt necessary, unfortunately. Thank you for the prayers.

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  7. We love you and your family very much, even though we knew you for a short eight months. We wish for you and family nothing but the best and know you will do well in you new position. We look forward to seeing you'll very soon at LEE GARDENS.

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